When the mind never rests
Mental load describes the often invisible but burdensome cognitive strain that arises when responsibilities, to-dos, and expectations are constantly on our minds. Originally discussed primarily in the context of family and care work, mental load increasingly affects men as well—especially those in leadership roles, with family responsibilities, a drive for self-optimization, and constant pressure to be available.
The constant psychological strain often goes unnoticed for a long time, but gradually leads to exhaustion, sleep disorders, irritability, loss of libido and declining performance – classic early signs of a “functional burnout”.
What is mental load?
Mental load isn't simply "stress." It's about the constant, active background processing of things that need to be organized, decided upon, or completed—even when you're supposedly taking a break. The brain is in a constant state of alert.
Typical mental burdens in men:
- Financial responsibility (even unconsciously)
- Family organization (school, doctor's appointments, house construction, etc.)
- Continuous professional availability
- Expectations regarding physical and emotional strength
- Unconscious perfectionism (“I have to function”)
- Pressure to self-optimize (training, nutrition, sleep, hobbies)
The result is a constant activation of the sympathetic nervous system (stress response) . The body releases increased amounts of cortisol and adrenaline , which provides short-term motivation but can cause hormonal, psychological, and physical damage in the long term.
How do you recognize mental load?
The symptoms are subtle and often develop over months. Many men interpret them as "normal everyday life" - until their bodies force them to stop and take notice.
- Exhaustion despite sufficient sleep
- Trouble falling asleep or nighttime rumination
- Irritability, withdrawal, impatience
- Concentration problems (“brain fog”)
- Loss of libido despite intact partnership
- The feeling of constantly being "on edge".
- Muscle tension, headaches
- Digestive problems, loss of appetite or cravings
Why men are frequently affected and don't realize it
Many men have learned to control their emotions, solve problems alone, and "persevere." Mental load is therefore rarely discussed openly. Instead, it is compensated for through more work, alcohol, exercise, or emotional detachment.
The problem is that the body doesn't distinguish between "real" and "mental" stress. Even a constant stream of racing thoughts activates the stress system for hours on end, which in the long run leads to low testosterone, poor regeneration, and an increased risk of burnout .
What helps against mental load?
The first step is to recognize the internal pressure and not downplay it. Mental load is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you are juggling too much at once.
Helpful strategies:
- Use external systems (e.g., to-do apps, weekly planners).
- Clear separation between work and rest time
- Daily micro-breaks without sensory overload (e.g., 10 minutes of silence)
- Conscious communication about the division of tasks in relationships and families
- Smartphone-free zones (especially in the evenings)
- Diary or journaling: Storing thoughts externally
- Regular exercise (not as a duty, but as a way to unwind)
- Magnesium, Omega-3 and possibly adaptogenic plant substances (e.g. Ashwagandha)
Breathing exercises, walks without podcasts, or deliberate "doing nothing" can also help to free up mental working memory.
Conclusion
Mental load is real and affects men too, even those who appear high-performing. Those who constantly operate under high mental strain risk long-term consequences for their hormonal health, relationships, and quality of life.
It is worthwhile to pause, sort things out and redistribute responsibilities, not out of convenience, but because nobody can live on a reserve indefinitely.
